In love with my straight friend?

basically i have never had a boyfriend, down 2 emotional and physical issues, i hate the way i look basically, anyway im 21 out 2 every1 except my parent not that has anything 2 do with it. so i have strong feelings for my friend he knows im gay, we joke around, i call him my straight gay boyfriend and we just have a gd time, but the thing is, its come 2 the point were it hurts that i cant be with him, it make me feel sick, i know nothing will ever happen but i want him so much, hes perfect cute, funny, smart, rugged the only bad thing is, is that he smokes, i think about him all the time and it just makes me sad, i dont no what 2 do, i dont want 2 feel like this, we have a gd friendship, but i dont think i can be around him anymore, which will be hard coz we go 2 the same uni and classes and friends, i LOVE him so much, hes just easy 2 be around, get along with, very lovable. i have never really had a friend that treats me the way he dose its just easy, but hes not gay and i cant have him. can i take a pill or something that will stop my feelings for him coz i dunno wht 2do, i said 2 him 2 day y cant u be gay, he just said l like vaginas, i was like fair enough. its just sad, sad, sad. he likes 1 of our friends and she just messes him around and it just makes me mad. god life sucks.